Spring cleaning…of the mind

After an absence of 2 whole months (well, almost), I figured it was time for me to limber up my fingers and give y’all a shout. Yes, I still have a pulse. I’m too stubborn to just toss away my blog after all this time. However, I’ve been avoiding  lots of things lately, not just this.

Remember a while back when I said my laptop was screwed and I needed to take it to the shop? Yeah, well, I  never did. At first, I couldn’t afford it, then I switched jobs and could afford it, then…well, life got in the way and it fell to the wayside. I was too busy working and living that 2nd shift life. The job contract ended in January and I lived on some of the money I had from that for a while before my unemployment benefits kicked in. While I’m grateful for those, they don’t even come close to paying the bills and having leftover for emergencies. But again, I’m grateful.

The good news is, the housing market seems to have picked up because I can see apartments being built in my area (2 big luxury complexes that I know of) and land being developed to homes to be built, although on the latter, it’s the field right behind my house. Speaking of which, I still have to live a Sonny & Cher existence (i.e. with my ex) because there’s no way in Hades I can afford to move. Not only that, the car I was driving is no more because the aforementioned ex had an accident and it was not salvageable in regard to the money it would cost to fix it.  <insert wah-waaaah> I’m now driving his car and he’s borrowing a friend’s car but that will soon come to an end as well.  (SIDEBAR: the ex’s car is a 5-speed so it was interesting the first time I drove it.) So what are we going to do when he  no longer has his friend’s car to drive? I have no earthly idea but we’ll figure something out. And that is the story of my life. *sigh*

I hate for this post to be even the tiniest bit dark but for the past…oh, I dont’ know, 20 years or so, it seems like just when things go good for me, the other shoe drops and I’m going “…the HELL??” I mean, I have but a few measly chapters to write to finish my book and I haven’t done squat. After it’s done (in longhand form, I must add), I’ll  have to bring it to the library, along with my thumb drive and type it up since I don’t have a working laptop. Now if I had a steady job, I could save a little over about  a month and get a new one, or at the very least, last year’s model to save a few ducats. I have an idea for another book, fiction this time and although I have lots of the character stuff fleshed out, I haven’t even started writing it. I was happy to learn that Tyler Perry’s mind is just as active as mine when it comes to ideas but he has more discipline than I do and a much better frame of mind. I’m too worried about the house falling apart (which it is), finding a job and having a vehicle to get to a job and it stalls me mentally every time.

So what’s the problem? It’s a terrible and vicious circle when you know how to fix what’s wrong but you don’t have the tools at your disposal to fix it. Oh I know, lots of folks could give me advice and say “why don’t you do this?” or “why don’t you try that?” Because when your life overwhelms you sometimes, you get depressed and even if it isn’t really bad, it’s depression nontheless. I did start walking every other day back around the first of April and so far, I’ve been walking 15-20 miles per week. I dropped 10 lbs. but you can’t tell that to my thighs. They’re still staring at me in the mirror saying “Uhh… a little help here?” To the ladies who don’t have a bubble butt: you have NO idea the consternation that can cause if you’re in the BGB Club (Baby Got Back). Oy, I feel like Woody Allen, I have so much anxiety sometimes.  But, I take my 5-HTP and keep it movin’ as best I can. (an herbal alternative to Zoloft. For me, anyway)

On a more positive note, the weather is getting warmer and that means hitting the little beach close to my house. Even if I don’t swim (lakewater…eewww!), I like to sit in my chase with a good book or bring along my writing materials, in case I’m inspired. Anytime I’m near a body of water, I’m inspired but sometimes, I just look at my surroundings and smile…then I can write.

I also enjoy my two old dogs, Roadie and Sassy. They bring a bright spot to every day, although Roadie is getting whiny in his old age. LOL. The former is doing very well after his surgery in January and my Sassy-girl, well, she’s dealing with allergies by way of a bunch of skin blotches. Have to give her Benadryl to help clear it up but even that isn’t consistent. What can I say, my mind needs some Spring cleaning of its own. I suppose that’s what this particular post is all about.  I mean, s**t happens to everyone, right? This is the only way I can come to terms with mine and if y’all can relate, then that’s a good thing. At least you know you’re not the only one shaking your head, asking yourself  ‘how much more of this do I have to take?’

As for my immediate future, who knows what will happen? If I win the lottery, I’ll spend it wisely and if I don’t…I’m used to being broke so no big whoop. I’ll keep looking for work and something will turn up at the right moment, just like it always does. Until then,  George Michael says  “gotta have faith-a, faith-a, faith” so I reckon I will. Thanks for listening…  ; )


Until next time…

peace sign heart_clipart_love & hair grease, y’all!



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