Chasing my tail

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It’s been 10 days since my last post. No, I’m not looking for absolution. Just apologizing for being so lame at blogging. I’ve been more focused on landing a job because to be honest, the longer I spend without one, the more “blue” I have a tendency to become. On a positive note, I’ve been trying to walk 3 miles per day and so far, have walked every couple days but it takes two days just to recover. lol  For those of you who don’t know about or have never had FMS (fibromyalgia syndrome), just imagine how you feel after an intense workout. You need a hot tub or a massage. Well that’s pretty much how most of us FMS sufferers feel on a daily basis, albeit to varying degrees. Though it’s not as degenerative as some of the other “syndromes” and diseases, I assure you, it is very real and can be painful. One’s outward appearance of looking okay can belie what’s really bothering them, there’s just no point in mentioning it.

Aaaaanyway, I decided I’ve had enough of looking like Jenny from 3 blocks in the lower posterior area for one, and two, my doctor told me a long time ago I needed to walk daily to help the osteoporosis in my lower back and hips. *sigh* Forgive me if I don’t do a Rockettes high-kick as I age but personally, I think 46 is a scoche too young for all this hoo-hah. Ah well, what can you do? I’ve been getting organized so I can write about my quest for thin thighs and a smaller, firmer boo-tay so that will be book #3  I’m adding to my To Do list. #1 is the auto-bio, of course and #2 is just a compilation of emails to my deceased parents (from me to myself) when I need Mom and Dad to talk to and can’t. Yes, I might truly be wackydoodles but that’s just how my mind works. I figure as my life unfolds, I can add it to the index cards for the bio, things that frustrate me can be vented in the emails to my deceased parents and bringing up the rear…in a manner of speaking…is my story of weight loss/good health.

Let me tell you now, if you THINK it’s easy to write your life story, I assure you it isn’t. And it has nothing to do with taking on three writing projects either. I’m so used to multi-tasking that it’s rather second nature to me but actually, I think of one thing for one book (say, the auto-bio) and then that makes me think of something else for the other book (like the weight loss thing) and yet another thought may lead me to shoot a flare to myself for the email-your-deceased-parents book. Yeah, pretty odd. But hey, that’s just how I am. At any rate, I have so many thoughts careening around my brain at at one given time, that it becomes a huge nuisance and I simply can’t write or talk into my voice recorder fast enough to suit my own taste. Hence, my dilemma.  It’s like a dog chasing its tail…you know something will come of it but you’re not quite sure what or how.

I can tell you this though, I have a stack of plastic bins next to my bed chock full of all the “stuff” I need, should I get an idea for a blog post or if I have to organize my bills in a hurry. It’s rather messy and one of the casters is held on by shipping tape but no matter. It serves its purpose so why spend money I don’t have just for something that looks nicer? Besides, I’d rather build my own. I only took Home Ec (do they still call it that??) in school for the credits. I can’t sew for crap but I can make you a real nice gun rack! lol The point is, if someone tells you they’ve got writer’s block, chances are their mind is perhaps a little too alive with ideas and it can kinda stymie the whole process. Not sure if you follow that but it makes sense and applies to me, anyway.   lol  : )

So here’s my bedside “file cabinet”:

Like I said, it’s messy but it works for me! That little black square (if you can see it) to the right of the image is a zippered pencil bag that I keep index cards for two of my writing projects in, along with a few pens and my manuscripts on a thumb drive. Don’t worry, the thumb drive isn’t always in that bag. I may not be J.K. Rowling but I still don’t want my hard work swiped!  lol   The black and white spiral notebook is what I use to jot down ideas for the blogsite. The three books are what I’m currently reading (from my local library) and will be posting later on My Book Report. The little black thing next to the books? That’s my food journal so I can keep track (ha! right) of what I eat and perhaps eat less of it or a healthier facsimile thereof. The white thing hanging off the edge is my allergy mask, which I lovingly refer to as my Michael Jackson mask. Yes, I really wear this sometimes, even at night. I’m allergic to everything outside and inside, cats included. Happily, I’m not allergic to dogs and judging from the size of my butt, I have no aversion to food either.

So you see, between the aforementioned organized chaos and job hunting, I’ve been a tad busy. Mostly, I’ve been a tad blue lately as a result of being unemployed and all the responsibilities I’m doing my best to carry out. While I would LOVE to have a bazillion peeps (hits) to my blog, I don’t post in anticipation of that. I post to get things out of my system and hopefully, someone can either identify or be entertained by the manner in which I relate my “issues”.  On a more positive note,  I’ve almost completely weaned myself off Zoloft. In about 3 weeks, they will be no more. The health food store is where I’ll find help for any anxiety I may have in the future but the more immediate help will come from the people in my congregation at church. I didn’t go last Saturday because I had a slipping transmission and I doubt I’ll make it this week either because I have no gas and no money. BUT…our pastor posts his sermons on the church website so all I gotta do is plug in my Skullcandy earbuds and click ‘Play’.  A very sweet and loving person told me to hang onto God and so I will. I have my less than fun days but when I feel a bit overwhelmed, I stick to my faith because it’s all I know to do. It’s what my mom did her whole life and you know what they say…mother knows best!

With that, I’ll take my leave and go scarf on some Raisin Bran Crunch. (at least it ain’t cheesecake) Until next time…


   & hair grease, y’all!!



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