Hello, pot? Kettle calling…

What an interesting and manic Monday it’s been. Everything was okay until the would-be ex got off his first shift and came home. See, he asked me to research voice over work for him and I said I would.  Don’t ask me why he’s not Googling his own self but I did say I was the Queen of Research so I guess he took that to mean I should focus on doing what HE wants and not looking for a job, like I have been.

Now, as most of you know, I’m an unemployed Escrow Assistant. That being said, I can handle more than one open browser, as well as several open tabs on said browsers. Yes, I check my Facebook periodically on the one browser but on the other, I have the Texas Workforce Commission tab, Careerbuilder, Indeed or Monster. Well, you get the idea.  In the escrow industry, you have to be detail oriented and efficient, henceforth, a multi-tasker. That’s me.

Anyway, when I walked back to his room to talk to him about it, he said he didn’t think it would take two weeks to do the research. He thought it was something I could do in a day. He said with all the time I’ve spent (and I quote) “sitting on your ass playing FarmVille!”, I could’ve already had the information. Then he was all “Nevermind. Don’t worry about it.” (Mind you, when he came in the front door, he stepped into my room, looked over the top of his sunglasses and said “Do you remember what I asked you to do a couple weeks ago?”,  I knew what he was asking and that’s what precipitated the whole exchange in the first place).  I told him I had been a bit pre-occupied with job hunting and he starts yelling about I-can’t -remember-what because I was too angry with him. I told him to F-off and I know that’s harsh, especially with me trying to get my life and head in order and spending some quality Saturday nights at church. Well, Rome wasn’t built in a day folks, neither is my path to God.

My patience with this man is wearing VERY, very thin but I have no where else to go and no money. That’s okay though. Whatever and wherever I’m supposed to end up will be revealed to me in due time. We also have a houseguest at the moment and he’s known me and the “ex” since our son was still in a carrier. He was sitting right there next to him and heard the whole thing. I hate that he has to be around all that mess because he doesn’t need it. He has his own set of issues to deal with. But at least he’s witness to the rantings of his longtime friend.

I rarely cry these days because for the most part, I’m a positive person. But the frustration got to me and I couldn’t help myself. I went to my room, gathered up my Ed Hardy messenger bag with my laptop, power cord, phone charger and my writing materials and hit the local Starbucks, which is where I am at this writing. With $9.55 in my bank account, I spent $3.19 on a tall, Full Leaf, Earl Grey latte, sat down at a table and hooked my stuff up. I don’t care how expensive that was, it was warm and yummy and given to me with a smile. That’s exactly what I needed. Plus, it’s an AT&T  hot spot so it’s all good! I have a U-verse account so all I had to do is launch. Whoop whoop! To Tanna & Amanda at Starbucks: you’re the bomb diggity girlfriends!!! You made my entire day!!!

At this point, I have no idea what sort of hornet’s nest I’ll walk into when I do go back home, if any. But from now on, I’ll shut my door and keep to myself.  As I said in one of my earlier posts, my 16×13 SF bedroom is my “apartment”, which I affectionately call 1-A.  While he’s right about me spending time in my room, sitting on my tuchus, I don’t have much of a choice in the matter. My job experience (escrow) doesn’t allow me the freedom to just drive from place to place, asking for an application. That’s just not how it’s done in this Information Age. It always helps to scour the ubiquitous job search sites and have an idea of who’s hiring and where they are. With the aforementioned TWC site, they always list the location. The other ones, not so much. Makes follow up a bit dodgy too. I’ve actually called the Monster.com office to ask about that and basically, you’re stuck out if a company doesn’t list either their name or address.

What really irritates the fire outta me though, is how my “ex” has the audacity to tell me how I sit on my butt playing on the computer all day and in his off hours, he’s broadcasting his “show” on IMVU.  His mom will bring him a plate if his headphones are on and she can hear him broadcasting. Why can’t she just stand at the threshold of his room and mouth the words “dinner is ready”?  I completely understand it’s her son and all but damn y’all!  She’s not his maid but if I say “let him get his own stuff!”, she thinks I just don’t want to do anything for anybody. Nothing could be further from the truth.  I think she’s done enough for him in his life and at 46, he should un-a$$ that bed he’s sitting on and do things for himself. Yes, he does come make his own plate but I’m making a point here. And that is this: he spends more time on his computer than I do on mine, either chatting with his female friends, his gf (I like this one too and have talked to her before) or broadcasting on IMVU. Now, I don’t know if he will ever get his own internet radio show but if he can, that’s great. His friend (our houseguest) “C” is pretty computer savvy so he would be a great help. In the meantime, DO NOT preach to me about MY time online when you’re not even looking for another job to help cover some of the household costs!! If he is, it’s news to me and he’s hiding it very well. If either he or his mom have contingency plans that they prefer I not be a part of, that’s a bad thing, in my opinion.

So why would they need to let me in on those plans, if any? Well, for one, I can’t make arrangements of my own if I’m blindsided by plans they’ve had in the works for a while. I have to pay current bills, pay back about $1,000 I owe my mother in law and try to save a little for a place and life of my own. As angry as I am at the events of the day, I couldn’t live with myself if I screwed them over. That ain’t how my parents raised me. So today has been quite a ‘pot-calling-the-kettle-black’ kind of day. I apologize for my being all windbaggy (yes, it’s a word…I just made it up! lol) but this blog is my therapy. It may be TMI but honey, an auto-biography is the same thing and I’m writing one of those too. This is a short term way to help myself.

I thank you all for allowing me to throw my dirty laundry out there in the blogosphere and am fully aware that once I click ‘Publish’, it’s out there for good. And Kathie, if you’re reading this, I’ll be fine. I have my moments but just one night a week at church helps me so much more than when I didn’t go. I will hang onto my faith because like my mother, it’s the only thing that I KNOW will NEVER let me down. I’m very blessed to have found you and you will be forever in my heart and a part of my life, no matter what. I love you like the sky is blue. To my friends Kat, Brandie and Gleeby…there are just not enough words to describe the depth of love I have for you. Each of you know me well and know how topsy-turvy my life can be. You four are the best friends I have had in a very long time. To Bekka and Beks as well: high school graduation didn’t separate me from the love I have for you either. There are other folks to mention but these are the ones I stay in touch with the most frequently. We’re all sisters of the heart and you ALL keep me from the undertow. Peace, my sisters of the soul!!


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