Who the [bleep!] did I marry??

So I’m in the kitchen this morning, getting ice in my cup for my morning elixir (Coca Cola, for those not in the know) and my soon to be ex and I are chatting about this and that. Out of the blue, I said “I just woke up and look how CUTE my hair is!” I’m terribly excited to have a super cute haircut since my hair is a tad fine and very straight. Gotta have a few layers to give it texture and cuteness. Anyway, I said from now on, I’m only going to let Andrea cut my hair (sorry. no pics at the mo’) and he says ‘Yeah, if you can ever get their schedule. I can’t even afford a haircut right now. Feel like all I do is work and pay for s**t!’ To which I replied ‘I know how you feel. I did that for many years, even before the huge car payment.’

Now, the reason I included the car payment is because his pat response to anything pertaining to our lack of funds between 2003, when I first bought my Sorento and 2008 when I paid it off, was due to my $525.35 per month car payment. ‘I didn’t say a word about the Kia payments’, he says and I reply ‘No, but normally you do.’  Well, he proceeds to tell me that he didn’t think I’d be able to make all the payments on it (I had a 60 month note) and figured it would be repo’d. Then he said that I surprised him because I paid for it all on my own. {the last 4 pmts. were paid by the money I received from daddy’s life insurance after he passed away} He was basically telling me “Well done you!” and okay, I got that but I also perceived something else: he didn’t have faith in me or my character; ergo, I wouldn’t be able to pay for my shiny new vehicle.

Wow! Okay, so let me get this straight: I had faith in you, totally believed in you to get your crap together and rise above your past mistakes and made sure to say so quite often. But YOU didn’t think I would be able to make steady payments for five years on a brand new vehicle, even though it was MY salary that paid for ALL of our monthly bills, most of the gas in the new car (which YOU used a great deal of) and the school lunches for our son. (p.s. the money he did make he bought the groceries with, so I gotta give him props on that). 

So all those hours I spent working and making bonuses weren’t enough to convince you I was indeed capable of paying for the aforementioned shiny new vehicle?? Well knock me over with a feather!! Who the Sam Hill are you and were you hiding in there somewhere when I married you?

I’ve had so many posts about my dissolving marriage that this should be nothing new…but it is. I mean, I honestly and truly thought he had as much faith in me as I did in him and that one simple admission this morning speaks volumes about how he really felt but never verbalized. And thank God for that! Speaking of which, perhaps this is His way of opening my eyes and revealing that I didn’t know my spouse as well as I thought I did and if so, then I will be eternally grateful for the Divine assist. Always good to have the Big Guy on your side!

Y’all probably think I’m crazy to be so bothered by one stinkin’ statement and perhaps I am.  It just burns me hotter’n a flame a$$ high that I was a total and complete “stand by your man” type of woman and he couldn’t even have like,  a speck of faith in me, even though I proved worthy every dadgum day I got up and went to a job I was beginning to hate and our financial contributions in the marriage were very lopsided! You can call it sour grapes if you want (which would be a nice merlot) and that’s fine by me. But if there is a moral to my “story” it would be this: be honest, even if it might be difficult and even if it might sting someone’s ego/pride. It’s been my experience that people respect loyalty and honesty much more than finding out a person wasn’t as forthcoming as they inferred themselves to be. When that happens, you become suspect of everything they say and there is no trust, especially if you’re married to that person. I believe this holds true for good friendships as well. Remember, they’ll get glad in the same pants they got mad in and if they don’t…well, at least you were honest and that’s a commendable thing to be these days. Until next time…

    & hair grease, y’all!


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