Apartment 1A

…sooo last night, the “ex” was goin’ off about not being able to bring his “girl” into the house. “I’m not gonna be held hostage by a piece of paper!!!” and “No one’s gonna come between me and my girl!!!”. Apparently, he told his gf that if things got too hot where she is, (she’s going through some crap with her husband too) she could come stay with him for a couple days if she needed to…or a week if she needed to. After his mom telling me last night that she didn’t stand up for me (as far as the house being neutral territory) because she feels like I’ve jeopardized our financial situation by allowing my son to get his DL (he subsequently got run off the road and totaled my car; the ins. repaired it anyway but it’s still a piece of crap and needs some repair, as per my earlier posts) now all of a sudden, she’s telling him maybe he shouldn’t bring his gf here. I can only surmise she said that because we’re still legally married. I don’t care what he does with his life…the marriage was over 9 mos. ago. However, when the girlfriend back in Feb was coming to visit, they were going to a motel to spend time and not here at the house. So what changed between then and now?   Well, we had a talk a bit later, after his mother had gone to the store and he told me he didn’t have the money to blow on hotel rooms. His mother offered to pay for it but he still said no…the marriage has been over and that was HIS room and he can do whatever the F he wants in there.  Alllllllrighty then. I’ll consider my 16′ x 13′ room as an apartment…let’s call it…1A. Yeah, I like that.

He also told me that he ain’t gettin’ no younger and he wanted to have a relationship with someone who loves him and will go do things with him and some other stuff I don’t remember at the moment. He also pointed out that I’m not getting any younger either (yeah, thanks Magnum PI…that totally slipped my mind) and maybe I wanted to spend my life alone but he didn’t. I took that opportunity to jump in and let him know that I’ve had the benefit (?) of more than one long term relationship and he hasn’t…I’m gonna focus on me for a while and if I find someone along the way, fine; if I don’t, then I don’t. I’ve pretty much been in a relationship since I was 14, with three different individuals. If you do the math, that’s 31 yrs of dinners, dirty underwear and someone else’s BS. Not all of those relationships have been bad ones but they have been learning ones, especially my first and current marriage.

I think what pissed me off the most is that when he protested to his mother, he was very loud and was yelling, hence all the exclamation marks above. I told him to let his mom know that I don’t care what he does, I can shut my “apartment” door. Oh yeah, he brought that up too…that his room is a box and I had my own bathroom. When we moved into this house, MY room was supposed to be OUR room and where he resides now was his man cave. I asked if we should trade and he said no. He wasn’t angry when he said it so that’s good. Anyway, I told him I don’t give a rat’s butt what he does but don’t yell at his mother.  She’s in her 70’s but elderly she ain’t.  She does however, have high blood pressure and is a worrywart. I told him two things: never go to bed angry and never let the last thing you say to someone be in anger, especially those you love. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life because as we all know, tomorrow is not guaranteed to us. He said he would keep the loudness in check, to which I gave my thanks.

Now, I feel it is incumbent upon me (always wanted to say that!) to tell you that while I’m sure some of my posts are perceived as amusing, that’s not my intention. Humor has just always helped me through the rough patches of my life. These are very personal things and I struggled with the “blog or no blog” decision for a long time.  But I didn’t feel like I should unload this on my friends because they have probs of their own. I couldn’t always talk to my son either because he was trying to deal with the fallout between his parents as well as the usual issues teenagers face. Besides, they need to be kids and we as adults shouldn’t dump our baggage on them…we’re supposed to get them through life, not the other way around. Plus, teens are notorious slobs, my son being no exception, and that is normally the impetus for some kind of row. So we have one kid and three adults telling him what to do and reminding him of every little thing. Mostly though, he’s edgy about me and his dad.

You should know that his room is at the back of the house, next to his dad’s, so when daddy talks to his gf, he can hear it. Apparently, he’s heard some other…odd things as well. He said it’s inescapable sometimes. So he’s been staying with one of his friends for almost a week now and I don’t blame him. His friend’s parents are fairly well-to-do and have the big house, home theater, pool table, etc. If that will keep him on an even keel and happier than he would be at home, then I guess I’ll be a liberal, crap mother and let him stay there. Besides, my mother-in-law just made the comment that my son just takes whatever he wants, does what he pleases and there’s no consequence for his actions. To a degree, that’s true. What precipitated that comment were a box of blank CD’s on the bar in the den. The ex swiped them as replacements for the CD’s that the kid took from him quite some time ago…without asking. The in-law has issues with lots of things, most of which are valid and some are just stupid. Guess she’s entitled though. 

This has been an ongoing thing with my son; he borrows tools from his grandmother but doesn’t put them back, borrows nail clippers,  helps himself to my loose change, uses lawnmower gas for the car, etc. You get the picture.  The problem with him is, no matter what sort of “consequences” there are, if it means he has to spend time at home, he makes everyone miserable, which starts arguments over his surly damn-I-don’t-want-to-be-here attitude every time someone asks him anything. Doesn’t matter how nice you try to be, he acts like an asshole. I haven’t purposely tried to be a crap mother OR let him do as he pleases…if he’s here, there’s trouble. It’s like a perpetual motion machine with that boy. So my thinking was, get him the heck outta the house so it doesn’t turn into an episode of WWE Raw. He really does need to be better about asking before he does anything but of course, teenagers magically forget nearly everything you tell them.

All in all, life here isn’t too bad but only because we’re lucky enough to be at opposite ends of the house. At times, I have to put on my tolerant face to avoid heated arguments that neither of us need. I’m just done, y’know? Being angry is not only unhealthy but one can lose focus…and I have many things I want to accomplish. Not sure how the “ex” will react if he ever reads this but I can’t STAND liars so I won’t post things that aren’t true. I started a draft of this post immediately after his hissy fit and saved it for editing.  A sort of play-by-play, if you will. I don’t hate the man because I don’t hate anyone and I’m not trying to paint him in a bad light. He really is a good guy and he’s charming and all that hoo-ha. I’m merely trying to analyze him, myself and this…situation. Blogging seemed the best way to do it. I guess you never really know someone, huh?  ‘Til next time…

  & hair grease, y’all!     (from Apt. 1A…lol)

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